Dedicated to Inspired Expressions of Life's Energy
Healthy Communication The mind, body, emotion and spirit connection By Bob Reber
Nature's Pathways - June 2011
There is a lot of information available about how to live a healthy life; workout techniques, nutrition information, healing techniques, etc.Yet, one of the most essential aspects of living a full and healthy life is often overlooked.
Communication is crucial to our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual
well-being.As human beings, we have always had a deep need to connect with others.Our sense of value, purpose, worth and lovability are dependent upon and derived from our association with others.It is as deep a need within us as our need to breathe. Societally we have isolated ourselves from a free flow of communication through the advent of ‘political correctness’. This idea is being taken to the extent that anything that may be said that ‘hurts someone’s feelings’ is something we shouldn’t say; no matter how true it is. Doing this actually denies the other person the opportunity to grow. Almost 20 years ago, before the advent of ‘political correctness’, I had a middle manager in the company I worked for that passed me over for a promotion.In explaining why I didn’t get the position he looked at me and honestly said, ‘Bob, it might be your drinking, but I’m not sure.It’s actually more of your overall lack of maturity.’ Those words changed my life and within six months of that conversation I came to realize that not only did I have a maturity problem, I also had a major drinking problem.This allowed me to reach out and get the help I needed to change my life and embark upon a new path of healthier living.Luckily, I’ve had the opportunity to thank him for his honesty and how it changed my life. This doesn’t mean that we should be offensive in what we are saying, nor should we avoid our thoughts and feelings because we might offend with our honest assessment of a situation.We should be aware of how our words will be received and how our words will give others the opportunity to grow, if they so choose. A few months ago I had to take my wife into the Emergency Room in Madison.We hadn’t been there for thirty minutes when her phone rang.It was her twin sister informing us that she was on her way to join us and that she wasn’t turning back no matter what either of us said.Upon her arrival, I mentioned that her behavior was a bit disrespectful.She than stated that she ‘knew what it was like to be in the hospital and having a husband that didn’t allow her family to see her.’ Without hesitation, I pointed out rather quickly and sternly that ‘I’m not your ex-husband.’ Communicating directly and honestly in this situation gave her the opportunity to evaluate her thoughts, emotions, beliefs and perceptions about life if she so chose. It is through direct, open and honest communication that we are able to understand who a person truly is in the moment.When we have past unresolved issues of events or with others, we will often overlay them onto a person in our present life.In doing this, the internal issue is seeking resolution and we are unable to ‘see’ the person in front of us. Over the years, I’ve witnessed adults acting like kids on a playground when they withhold communication or try to avoid direct communication with others.Remember when we would take our toys and go home when things weren’t going our way in the sandbox? When we do this as adults it is with a deep desire to avoid the issues within us that truly should be expressed and resolved.This could be from our yearning to maintain the ‘drama’ which is serving a sense of value and purpose for us or because we are avoiding the conflict that may arise.Yet, the conflict we are actually avoiding is within our own self and will continue to fester and play out in our lives in unhealthy ways until it is resolved. Using others for a ‘sounding board’ is not a bad thing.All of us should have close friends and mentors that we can bounce our life struggles with in order to understand the issues within ourselves that need to be addressed.When we verbalize our issues it allows us to sort through these internal issues that are mirroring themselves in our relationships.What separates the advisor from the gossip or avoider is the intent with which we are communicating; is it constructive and positive or is it degrading and negative.
There is so much that can be said about how we communicate, or fail to communicate our thoughts and emotions in life.However, it is important to recognize and be aware of how and where we express ourselves.We measure our value, worth, purpose and lovability through this communication.Our relationships in life and our overall health depends, mind, body and spirit, depend upon it.
