 |
| Tree Peony Flower |
|
‘The person that angers you the most is the person that you have the most to learn from.’
This pearl of wisdom was passed onto me almost twenty years ago by an elderly friend of mine in Ohio. Over the years I’ve understood the meaning these words, yet it is only recently that I’ve been forced to take them to heart. This is due in a large part to my sister-in-law.
Having choices and a semblance of control in life allows us to physically separate ourselves from the more uncomfortable emotions and situations of life. It’s natural to assume that this is a good thing, since we have eliminated the discomfort, avoided the confrontation and distracted ourselves from the inner tension that has arisen. Even in our society we are allowed to blame others for our emotional discomfort, as opposed to having to accept it as our own, take responsibility for it and resolve it within ourselves. In other words we do everything within our power to avoid and distract ourselves from the emotions that allow us to grow.
I’m not speaking of growing intellectually or in life’s natural maturation process; although those do happen when we embrace the opportunities that are brought to the surface through our emotions. It is the growth of our heart and soul that diving deeper into the emotional upheavals in our lives brings about.
Fortunately, I’ve had this opportunity recently with my sister in law. Not only did she move in with my wife and me, she is my wife’s twin sister. The fact that they are twins means that they have a strong relational bond, intuitive sharing and deep connection in their relationship yet this is not the only thing that has brought about emotional tensions in me. When your sister in law has many of the same personality traits as you, there is never going to be anything but opportunities for emotional tension and greater growth when the emotional upheavals are embraced.
To understand this deeper let’s look at the writings of the Essene’s, a Jewish group that lived at the same time as Jesus. They saw life as a set of mirrors that were always reflecting our innermost selves back to us so that we would have the opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves, others and spirit. Another way of understanding this idea is, ‘as within, so without’.
Our relationships with others, our environment and the situations of our lives give us the opportunity to look into the mirror of who we are. When we do this, we have the ability to see our fears, coping patterns, thoughts and beliefs that are manifesting in our life. If we are willing, we can follow the emotions inward and discover the obstacles within ourselves that are keeping us from being genuinely who we are, then we can remove them and live more fully from our hearts.
The key to this process is having willingness; a willingness to move inward when we are feeling angered, disrespected, unloved, lost, despairing, etc. When we allow ourselves to question where these feelings are arising within ourselves, look honestly at our thoughts, fears and ego attachments some amazing things are revealed. The addictive patterns of thought, behavior and emotion that have unconsciously ruled our lives start to come to light and unravel.
This conscious unraveling can be unnerving. For, me it comes with a unique blend of kicking and screaming, whining and complaining and other displays of the adult temper tantrum. This is a part of the normal process for all of us. After all, the reasons for the emotions have been unveiled and the conscious ego mind has been stripped of the normal rationalizations. In other words, the excuses are gone, the conscious mind is naked and the emotions are tender and raw.
This is not a time to judge what is exposed. It is also not a time to resist the changes, insights and new beginnings that are happening. Instead it is a time to nurture, comfort and console this part of you that is being born anew; encouraging its growth, for this is a part of who is genuinely you.
In a way we are experiencing a death without dying, for we are being born again from the patterns of thought, emotion and behavior that have ruled our lives; and there is always the opportunity to follow the next emotion inward to discover more. Thus we truly are born again and again and again as the layers of the conscious mind peel back, allowing ourselves to live more genuinely from our soul being which dwells within our heart.
Not everyone is graced with a sister in law in their life that mirrors them so acutely. Yet, none of us have to search far to find those on our path that ‘push our buttons’ and show us who we are in the moment so that we can look within and find out who we truly are.
|