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| Fawn in the woods |
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When I was 15 years old, I heard a sermon that would become a lifelong quest in search of understanding. I actually don’t remember what the sermon was about; I only remember one verse spoken by Reverend Barnes. “I am that I am.”
The verse echoed through my mind for days. I kept asking myself and Spirit what did that mean, ‘I am that I am’? I just couldn’t wrap my mind around it.
Like a promise you absentmindedly make, the verse would be brought to my attention at pivotal times as I grew into and through adulthood. I’d get so frustrated over what the meaning was behind what Jesus was saying.
I found a way to explore this question when I read Robert Monroe’s books on out of body experiences. From his experience a program called Hemi-Sync was born. Hemi-Sync uses bi-neural beats to put you in a whole brain state for deeper meditation states, focusing attention and other life applications. It has no subliminal messages within the program, so the experience is purely your own.
From my first experience with Hemi-Sync, I was hooked. Each journey I take using Hemi-Sync is different as well as consciousness expanding. I have used Hemi-Sync to quit smoking, heal a ruptured disk in my back and even to meet my higher or total self. I’ve also received invaluable answers to life’s questions while journeying with Hemi-Sync. Now these meditations are a part of my spiritual practice.
In December, I started experiencing pain, pain from an autoimmune disease, Lupus. I could not roll over in bed at night without excruciating pain, my hands were swollen to 3 times their normal size and I felt as if I were walking on knives. I kept convincing myself it wasn’t ‘that bad’. The physical issues could wait until I saw my specialist in January.
By the time I went to Madison for my appointment I could barely walk and my hands were useless. I was admitted to the hospital from the clinic. After 3 days on IV steroid treatment I felt much better. The downfall of steroids is their side-effects. I couldn’t quiet my mind enough to meditate, much less focus on anything else. So, meditating became sporadic.
I missed my conversations with Spirit, to guides and nature. Most of all I missed the peace I had acquired in my heart.
Things were stressful in my home. My husband was out of work, my sister and her husband had moved in because they were in a difficult financial situation and I was overwhelmed with work and graduate school.
Lupus and stress do not play well together, so when the new medication I was put on took away the headaches, I was elated. The doctor recommended doubling the dose after the initial trial, so I did. As I increased that drug I was tapering off steroids and got shingles.
The doctors put me on anti-viral medication and I continued on with life. The only problem was that I was getting alarmingly more ill. I was sleeping more and more of the time and was having high fevers. During this period I would hear a voice coming from the middle of the room asking me, “Who are you?” I would sit up and answer with, “I don’t know, but I’m trying to find out.” Then I would go back to my fever induced delirium and sleep.
I almost died by the time I got to the hospital in March. My body was in a very rare autoimmune reaction where I was destroying my own platelets and blood cells within my bone marrow faster than I could make them.
They admitted me into the hospital and I don’t remember the first three days I was there. But I do remember coming to awareness within myself and began questioning myself. Where had I been? How can I rebuild myself? Who am I?
There were two books that were brought to me to read during my stay and both of them had that verse again. “I am that I am.’ I’d see it and inwardly scream, “what does that mean?’
Recovering from this near fatal illness has been a frustrating journey. Everyday it has caused me to dig deeper into my consciousness and sort out what my meanings of life are. Yet, I give thanks each day to myself and Spirit for this amazing experience we call life. Robert Monroe has an affirmation that in part states, “I am more than my physical body”, I’m very grateful that I found this perspective and the Hemi-Sync programs he created.
Who are you? The response was simple, “I am that I am.” My big life question I now know the answer to, or at least I know what it means for me. It really is simple. ‘That’ in the quote is a noun. ‘I am that, I am.’
Use the events of your life to expand your consciousness and find out who you are. Happy Journeys.
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